Tea Party!
by The Werewolf Mage
Summary: Oh no. Voldemort's at it again! This time he's thrown a tea party. How will Snape survive THAT?


Title: Tea Party!

Summary: Oh no. Voldemort's at it again! This time he's thrown a tea party. How will Snape survive THAT?

**Note: I've been very bad about updating here lately. But then I've not been feeling so hot. So do forgive me. I hope the funny tea party helps with forgiveness.**

Severus Snape could only blink at the sight in front of him. Then blinked once more. Either Narcissa had done some major redecorating in the Malfoy Manor dining room, or Voldemort was playing one of his 'tricks' again.

Snape shuddered at the thought. Perhaps this night wouldn't involve lingerie...

He settled down at the table, wincing at the sight of the bright pink tablecloth. He refused to touch it, as though it would sear his skin with marks.

"Tea party!" Voldemort said, appearing out of nowhere and slamming a cup of hot tea in front of Snape. The burning liquid leaped out of its cup and landed on Snape, who winced, biting back swears.

"Tea... party...?" Snape managed to ask, though still in pain. He pulled out his wand and waved it, vanishing the burning tea in an instant.

He glanced around, realizing he was the only Death Eater looking as though the pink tablecloth and the burning tea was grating on his nerves. The others seemed... happy. Even Bellatrix. She was calmly sipping her tea, her little finger pointing daintily in the air.

Snape rolled his eyes. She would be back to Muggle hunting soon. Anything to please her Master, even if it meant sipping tea like a lady.

He frowned, gazing down at his own empty cup. What he did not notice was Voldemort slipping down the table, inserting large teddy bears and plush squirrels and even a plush snake or two in the unoccupied chairs.

"Eat up Miss Hissy!" he said happily, putting a plate of biscuits shaped like mice in front of a large brown snake plushie.

Soon his other "guests" were given sweets to eat and most happily munched away. Snape still sat looking bitter, his Cauldron Cakes untouched.

'I notice no one else had hot tea spilled on them.' he thought, staring at Voldemort who was sipping tea and laughing at what Lucius Malfoy was saying. Voldemort laughed, sounding like he was drowning in his cup of tea. That brought a faint smile to Snape's lips.

Though that smile vanished and never seemed like it was going to return as the night drew on. Snape was horrified, terrified, and was ready to pluck his eyes out with his wand when Voldemort started brushing the fur of a large stuffed teddy bear he called Master Fluff-Fluff.

Snape leaned over his tea cup, feeling sick, as Voldemort added a bright pink bow to Master Fluff-Fluff's long fur on the top of his head.

He groaned. The pink was making his head hurt. He picked up a mouse-looking biscuit and bit into it. He immediately spit it out, gagging. Someone had put waaaay too much sugar in there.

Everyone stopped what they were doing to stare at him.

"What?" he asked, innocently dropping the biscuit.

"How DARE you?" Voldemort demanded. "And I thought YOU were my most loyal!"

"Me?" Snape asked. "What about Bellatrix? Look at her! She's licking your shoes!"

"Shoe licking gets no points in my book!" Voldemort shouted, sending a scurrying Bellatrix back to her chair. "Why would you refuse that biscuit?"

"It tasted like it was ninety-nine percent sugar."

"Well it WAS! Miss Hissy has a sweet tooth after all."

Snape groaned. He buried his head in his arms, listening to Voldemort resume his chat with Lucius. The two were discussing something that had happened during Voldemort's last trip to Hogsmeade.

"... so I've got people who are looking at me like I don't believe. Me! Voldemort! The most feared Dark Wizard of all time!"

"No way!" Lucius said. "I can't believe that! Why would anyone look at YOU like that? It makes zero sense."

"I know! I was just going to buy some sweets and I happened to pass this marvelous little cart. The fat little witch was selling teas but once she saw me she ran off. Can you believe it?"

"No, My Lord, I cannot."

"So that's what gave me the idea and here we are!"

Lucius applauded. As did the Death Eaters nearest to them. Snape felt bile rise up in his mouth again but held it back. He groaned, enduring another hour of happy chatting, which was a lot worse than some of the female students he had to endure, an hour of humming and dancing around with stuffed animals, and an hour of Voldemort and Wormtail fighting over Master Fluff-Fluff, eventually tearing him in two.

Once Wormtail burst into tears, Snape decided he had enough. With a respectable, but angry, bow towards Voldemort to signal his leaving, Snape went. At the door he heard Voldemort call, "See you next week! Same time!" Snape could merely shudder. But at least he had time to prepare for that tea party.


End file.
